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if you could open up your own theme(d) park like universal's hp world, what would it be?

jurassic park, but fully animatronic and more realistic than what's at islands of adventure. i'd also want any park proceeds to fund archaeological research, since apparently that's grossly underfunded right now. there would be dinosaur-themed rides and food and probably something like the old body wars ride at epcot.

what is a language you love to listen to even if you don't speak or understand it?

i have a harder time with spoken arabic but it's beautiful to listen to and even more so written.

what do you wear when you're feeling your very best, and why?

...i'm most likely wearing scrubs, if that's the case. but i think it depends! my favorite jeans always help me feel great, but i also love how i feel in this dress which makes me look forward to warmer weather. i feel like i have twelve other answers to this on top of what i've already said.

if you could learn the answer to one question about your future, what would the question be?

i wouldn't, because then i'd just have another set of expectations that i'd be trying to live up to and even more anxiety.

what is the best cousin moment we've ever had?

pregnant you beating up my bullies stands out, but so does DELIVERING YOUR KID IN MY BACKSEAT.

what was the last funny video you saw?

i can't believe i'm owning up to this.

what's the dumbest patient encounter you've ever had in the er?

aside from recreational viagra gone wrong and the usual uhhh foreign object retrieval, one of the dumbest injuries i've seen also made me the angriest. it was the fourth of july, which is always a crapshoot in the ER anyway, and a kid's drunk dad lit up some sparklers, put them in a jar, and then handed them to the kid. the jar exploded, glass went everywhere, and then we spent seven hours in the OR pulling glass out of this little kid's flesh. still probably one of my worst holiday shifts ever.

describe the most captivating painting or artwork you've ever seen.

mark jenkins has done a series of tape sculptures that usually get placed outdoors. the sculptures are of people, or parts of people, or are of animals. some are pretty goofy, others are scary, and most of them manage to elicit some kind of visceral reaction that i really can't put into words.

what's your favorite comfort food?

if i'm feeling especially bad, it's my mom's matzo ball soup or mission chinese's sichuan acrbonara. otherwise, a solid cheeseburger and fries will do.

if you could only taste one specific flavor for the rest of your life, what would it be?

good milk chocolate, but only if i also get to avoid the aftertaste.

who would be the worst person to be stuck in an elevator with? how about the best person to be stuck in an elevator with?

a certain former president or any of his cronies. you'd be the best, for the company. would be great too for the ease of getting out.

what is your favorite thing about your personality?

i can make the best out of most situations i end up in!

oceans or mountains? why?

oceans! give me the beach any day. mountains are great and i enjoy being near them for the views and the crisp air, but i unwind better on the beach.

what's the best ice cream topping?

chocolate magic shell! i don't really use toppings much but if i did, that would be it.

what flavor of ice cream do you wish existed?

there need to be more cake and ice cream combinations in the world. or more specifically, in our freezer.

if you could choose between infinite cake or infinite ice cream what would you choose?

infinite ice cream! cake is great but i think i'd get tired of it sooner than i'd get sick of ice cream. does this mean i'd also get any flavors that i want, or is it just infinite ice cream but in just one flavor only?

if you woke up one morning and all your problems were solved, how would go about your day?

i would be SO confused. there would probably a lot of frantic texting and email and phone calls to make sure that it wasn't just all in my head. eventually i'd have to take a stress nap and then stress eat a bunch of tacos or something. i'm getting itchy just thinking about this.

i feel this is a copout question for whatever reason, but... if you could have a fictional superhero for a best friend, who would it be?

i...feel like i can't answer this without accidentally hurting someone. more overpowered supers who use their abilities for good, please. the rest of us are tired!

what's one habit you want to get rid of and one habit you want to keep?

i want to cut down on takeout and cook more, buuuuut realistically i don't always have the time for that. i should also probably stop bringing rescue animals home, at least for now. i also want to be better at keeping in touch with people now that all of my work stuff has settled because i feel like i've really slacked on that over the past few months.

what's the weirdest thing you've ever been addicted to?

this was more of a weird kid thing than anything else, but i went through a phase in middle school where the only thing i wanted to eat were these chicken salad sandwiches that my mom made, except that we were living in london at the time so she had to use different brands of certain ingredients and kid me could always tell the difference. she said it lasted a few months but i barely remember it.

i think i know the answer... what is the best room in your house? why?

the dogs' room! they're so spoiled. still waiting for goldfish to show up in the ottoman.

what is the best meal you've ever had, and what's the best meal you've ever cooked for yourself?

THIS IS SO HARD. any meal i've ever enjoyed at foreign cinema has been great, but so was every meal i had in italy that had uni. same with denmark. and the good company helps, too! the best meal i've cooked for myself was a roast chicken that had seasoned bread and potatoes cooked in the schmaltz. i haven't been able to recreate it.

what's one thing you'd tell yourself at my age?

to laugh at this question because we're basically the same age, old man!

how likely are you to name your first child after me?

one day, a feline furkid will share your name.

which television show do you want your life to be like?

happy endings...maybe. it's goofy and light and i'd never stop laughing. plus, who doesn't want a friend with a food truck?

what's a yearbook-style superlative you'd give to your high school self? what's one for your current self?

high school: most likely to disappear into the ether. now: most likely to punch meteors.

what small joys bring light to your day?

coming home to barking dogs, coco's meows, kibbles' grunts, your smile, your laugh, hearing about your day, and opening up a new container of ice cream.

what is the scariest thing bubbe has ever done?

there was that time that she had to take me to the ER because of what we thought was my appendix. i was cranky and in pain, and she was downright scary with the way she talked to the hospital staff when she thought i was being ignored. there was also that thing at the bar a few weeks ago, but that turned out to be you and not her. does that still count?

what is the most overrated movie? underrated?

elf is fun but i don't really get what the big deal was. as for underrated movies...i don't really know? i've basically spent the past twelve years living under the rocks known as med school, residency, and fellowship, so any movies i've seen probably don't fall into that category at all and i have tons of catching up to do.

what is the compliment you receive most often?

that i have a nice smile! which is great to hear and all, know, context matters and i don't need to hear it at work unless it's from a four year old.

this is the strangest... so i have to ask: the world has become infested with rabid dogs with the intelligence of a 5-year-old, where do you hole up to survive the "a-pup-calypse"?

i have immunity, so...the CDC says that an infected animal usually dies within seven days of becoming sick, but in that case it would just be one awful, messy domino effect since there's no cure. coming out of hiding would be horrific.

if you and had a fart contest, who would win?

i...don't know, and i never want to find out, because that could very well end the world as we know it. or at least, the san francisco bay area.